Kelson is a 22-year-old who describes himself as extremely paranoid when it comes to sex- to the point of “having trouble staying erect during intercourse” because too many things run through his head. Despite that, and stringent insistence on the use of protection with any male sexual partner he has, he contracted herpes and what he “believes to be Chlamydia.”

He never really confirmed what he had with a test- the first time he contracted an STD; going as far as lying to his general practitioner that he had contracted it from a known source. Fortunately, he added, the doctor believed him and prescribed medication for Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea- commonly found together, and he was cured of symptoms for over a year.

Kelson would attest to the saying that familiarity breeds contempt, as he had gradually let his guard down in bed during that period of a year, having stayed symptom-free for a year and eventually having a quick and short romp with a casual sex partner- without protection after a night out partying. It was when he was in camp at Pulau Tekong that he “experienced a familiar tingling sensation while urinating” that he grew worried; only this time, it was without any secretion. He immediately went to get himself checked as he “did not want to deal with the symptoms for an extended period of time before seeking help” like he did the last time. Prior to his visit to the doctor, he had done a little bit of research online and found another cause for concern- he had had another symptom a few days back- small bumps around his genitals. Even though they were healing, he went to the doctor with the same lie but he was unwittingly caught in his bluff. This time the doctor wanted a confirmation to the diagnosis and referred him to the Department of STI Control Clinic (DSC Clinic).

During this time, he had asked a friend to go along for support, but this particular friend had proved to be just as paranoid to the point of unsupportive, even suggesting that he thought he “was going to get infected with HIV just by being in the same room as other people with STDs.” The visit required him to undergo lab tests along with a HIV test. Kelson agreed.

Two weeks of anxious anticipation passed and Kelson was called back for his results, which “all proved negative, except for the Herpes Simplex Test,” he had tested positive for Herpes Simplex II. He made light of the situation, quipping, “at least I have what Paris Hilton supposedly has,” but the tone to his voice was a giveaway of disappointment. Kelson is now living with an incurable disease.

Since there is no cure, Kelson has to live with treating symptomatic manifestations as they come, applying cream to affected areas when he “breaks out.” He describes these outbreaks to be like “small clusters of pimples, only itchier and slightly more painful. And urinating prior to the emergence of bumps will sting.”

Since then, Kelson has gone into regression- turning down his sex life, whilst still remaining somewhat sexually active; only this time, strictly safe sex, for oral and anal intercourse. Kelson relates to us that this is protection for his partner, as much as it is for him, “having herpes does not mean I can go around challenging other STDs without a bother. I have one. And I intend to stop there.”

Today, his concerns are other STDs out there that are also incurable- HPV and HIV. “My paranoia is greater than ever, I can never really, truly ‘get in the moment,’ when a million what-ifs are running through my head, there is always a wall for me, and I think that wall transcends well into my personal and love life as well.” He goes as far as vouching that if he ever were to be diagnosed with HIV, there would be no question about his course of action, “I would kill myself.”

He advices, “paranoia won’t protect you, condoms will.” Kelson also feels that “it is better to know your status than live in the dark, at least you can do something about it- even if it’s not the course of action you or the people around you would find to be ideal.”




Editor's note:
Kelson is a prime example of someone so afflicted by discrimination to the point that he stigmatizes his own condition. This is due to fear of the unknown- not just of the disease but also the road that lies ahead. The people he has to face, the cost of treatment and the additional secret he is too ashamed to let out and carries on his own. Extreme reactions to diagnoses to the point of suicide are not uncommon-, as many individuals would literally feel like it is the end of the road when they have contracted certain diseases.

This is perpetuated by the widespread misconception that diseases like HIV are not survivable and is essentially a death sentence. With advances in medication, it is a manageable disease- the only thing that no medicine can control is the judging eyes of people around you.