SilenceSG.org

* * * * * * * * * NOTICE: We would like to express thanks for your interest in the project. It's heartening that we've directed more than 5,000 visits to the site in our short-lived period of activity, that culminated in over 9,000 video views and over 600 connections on Twitter and Facebook - all in the name of breaking stigma. As you can see, this website has now fallen to disuse. In part due to a lack of time from the original team that had put this site together, but also to a lack of interest from the organizations we have approached for support. If you're an individual/group passionate about advocating increased STD education in Singapore, and may be interested in picking up from where this initiative has left off, please drop an e-mail to contact@silencesg.org. We will consider handing over the entire project - including existing social network accounts, unpublished interview excerpts, existing graphic templates, a contact base of previously interested talent contributors we had not pursued and of course the domain (which has been paid for until mid-2013) - to the right person(s) who might be able to take this further than we have. Interested successors to the project might want to download our project brief to have a more detailed read on the project, before expressing your interest. Until then, we hope you all stay safe! * * * * * * * * *

Zack is a 24-year-old university student who shares with us his sexual encounters with other men: over a hundred of them and counting- with the rate of at least one more person added to the number every two weeks.

Among Zack’s cured STDs include syphilis, Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea- that he contracted three times. Through these, Zack lives with the incurable genital herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV) and human immunodeficiency virus/acquired immune deficiency syndrome (HIV/AIDS.) Though one might think that he would wise up after his experiences, Zack was quick to retort, “I had my reasons.”

Zack is an eloquent and well-educated individual. He told us he “knows everything about STDs to the point of being considered well-versed on the topic,” but described the thrill of having unprotected sex- relating the risk as “akin to cutting myself, to get a release or escape.” It was during this period that Zack was going through a period of his life when he was chronically depressed and needed an outlet- and he found it through unprotected sex.

He mentions,” they do it in porn, why can’t I?” True enough, many pornographic material offer content involving unprotected sex. To a certain degree, it may be to blame for the general sentiment towards unprotected sex among many men like Zack. Looking back at his sexual exploits, he describes them to be “unsafe, without a care and reckless” but adds, “at that point in time, I didn’t care,” even going as far as to knowingly contracting HPV from his ex-boyfriend who had obvious symptomatic manifestations in the form of warts.

The question begets, was it worth it?

When asked, Zack’s reply is surmised with “it is not.” Touching on HPV alone, getting diagnosed was really “awkward, a number of the DSC Clinic doctors are homosexual themselves,” and the process of getting relieved is not too pleasant either.

“HPV really is quite horrible, because of it, I had wounds and tears around my anus and the warts grew to such a great mass that is now looks and feels horrible,” he adds “weekly treatments to deal with the warts symptom don’t seem to help” and even if it did, Zack is reluctant to regularly attend the treatments which involve freezing the warts to burn them off as they hurt to the point where he “cannot even walk properly for a few days after treatment” and also “having to wear a woman’s pad to catch discharge from the burned warts,” that also has an unpleasant odour to boot. “It really is an embarrassing situation.”

Zack adds that whenever he engages in trysts, he will have to explain the growths or not allow them to feel him up in certain places as “they view it with disgust, even make fun of you.” Zack counts himself lucky as he also used to have warts popping up on his penis, but tells us that they “grew out on their own.”
On how obvious these warts are, he replied- “the ones on my anus are the equivalent of two full-sized raisins and a combination of smaller ones” and the one on his penis that went away to be the “size of a full-stop in comic sans 34.”

Zack is living with a serious condition- his existing afflictions were aggravated when he contracted the HIV that attacked his immune system and allowed exacerbation of existing viruses to the point where they are today. Now, on a cocktail of expensive medication and extensive treatment and follow-ups to the doctors, Zack’s relies on his parent’s support- who knows of his condition. It was a downward spiral from the point of them knowing- even going as far as to move out of the family home, with a strained relationship with his mother; although his father regularly checks to make sure he “follows up with doctor’s appointments,” on top of giving him financial support.

This is in contrast with some youths who have indicated in our survey that they would rather “die than disclose their condition to their parents.”

Zack having had all of the known STDs is described by some as being a full-flush- meaning he has had all the STD cards he can possibly be dealt with at one point or another. Full flush or not, Zack flusters with “guilt and moral concern” and advices others, to “never bareback1,” but if you must, to “only do it with people whose condition you are aware of and people you trust” and uses himself as an example stating he “looks healthy and fit- more so than most individuals but you should never trust a person based on his looks alone,” after all- you do not know what he carries inside.

EDITOR’S NOTE:
Zack is stuck in a vicious cycle and he is not alone. Like most troubled and depressed teenagers who are going through real depression, Zack sought a release for his woes and found it through unprotected sex- that landed him in his predicament. There are deeper moral implications to this problem but we shall not touch on that here.

We would like to address the misguided principle where many think that it might be easy to tell your parents, get it treated like you would any other illness. It is not because of social stigma that no one willing to tackle. It is harder than it seems- so many live under the dark, even going as far as to deny their condition and refuse treatment. Telling their parents, for youths, is like a double-edged sword. On one hand they will help- but at a price you have to return- the price of dignity; something anyone will tell you they cannot live without.

1Barebacking - the act of having unprotected sex colloquially used in homosexual male intercourse